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All the Single Ladies - By Annie McFarland

Now, put your hands up!

Some say marriage is tough and you must work at it every day. Having been married, I agree. . .there are days that I wanted to poke his eye out with a pencil. I didn’t. . .but boy did I really want to. But marriage is so fucking easy compared to dating. Of course, you are welcome to disagree with me but this blog is literally all about my opinions so just go with me for a sec.

Losing a spouse through death or divorce is brutal and you come out the other side as a different person. A far more cautious and careful person. 

Dating in our 20’s was so much easier, simply because we didn’t know better. We didn’t have enough life experience to teach us to put our guard up in certain situations. 

And the rules of dating were TOTALLY different back then too! No kids to worry about, no blending families, no previous hurts to try to navigate, no huge walls that need to be broken down! No. . .it was just meet, date, fall in love! Ha. . please don’t call me on that because I know I am romanticizing it!The rules now are murky with over emotion, fear and inappropriate sexpectations!

Do you know, I had a guy friend tell me that he had chatted up a girl on Tinder, he asked her out and she asked him to pick her up at her house for the date.

For me. .  that right there was super weird but wait that’s not even the weird part. He gets to her house and she is waiting for him, at the door with not a stitch on and a glass of scotch. She hands over the glass of scotch to him, drops to her knees and gives him a blow job. Uh. . .if this is the kind of competition that is out there in the dating world, every nice girl is screwed!

But the rules that I mentioned are not only the sexy rules, like meet at the door naked and give an immediate blow job. Yes, I know. . .every guy would love this moment but that just can’t be realistic, can it? So here is a sampling of the post-hurt dating and relationship rules that you must follow otherwise it WILL be over. This list has been compiled from my experiences and the experiences of my girlfriends. Feel free to add to it as you see fit! 

1)    Apparently, you can never have any emotion, like ever. . .channel your inner Stepford Wife.
2)    Don’t get too sloppy drunk or you might have a flash of emotion. . . and that will not be tolerated, see above. 
3)    Always praise everything they do, even if it is not praise worthy. . yes, everyone gets a trophy in this dating-scape.
4)    Don’t disappoint, this goes hand in hand with Rule 3. . .we certainly do not want any disappointed man-children out there.
5)    Be available. . .ya know. . just on the off chance that they want to spend time with you. . .clearly your time is not valuable. . .but if you don’t make yourself available, see above.

Look. . .I get it. . .I too have my expectations and I don’t want to waste my time on someone that is not going to work but sometimes you have to give it a chance to actually find out. . which I have not always been so good at!

I’m going to share something that I haven’t shared with you yet. . .one of the main reasons I stopped dating Hallmark was because of one reaction. . .one night. We had just gotten back to his house from dinner and it was LIVE time for Meghan. I had to support my girl, so I told him that I was going to hop on, really quickly and he agreed. Perhaps, it was rude but I didn’t plant myself there for the whole thing and he had agreed so in my mind. . .we were good to go. Clearly. . . we were not good to go because after a minute or so, he came up to me and said that his time was very valuable and I was wasting it by watching the LIVE, we should be spending that time together.

Ahhhhh. . . . hell no! This felt eerily similar to the shittiest relationship I’ve ever had with the most insecure man ever. So. . I bolted, from his house that night and from his life. I wasn’t willing to wait around to find out if it was a blip on our dating history or if he was going to turn out exactly like that other guy. To be honest, he didn’t show that much emotion or have that big of a reaction but honestly it struck a cord WAY too close to such a shitty experience that it set me off. In retrospect, I probably over-reacted but I don’t regret the decision that I made.

Fast forward to today. . .and The Hammer. . . we have grown closer and we are now letting our walls down. By seeing past those walls, I am beginning to see some hiccups and bumps that surprise me. I am still committed to him so obviously they are not striking a cord but definitely something that I am going to be acutely aware of moving forward. As he puts it, he is. . .BROKEN.

Dude. . .aren’t we all?!?!? We all have our shit but at the end of the day it comes down to, do your broken parts work with my broken parts so that we become one busted looking whole? Maybe?!?!? maybe not?!?!?Ultimately, we all just want to feel special and important to someone that is special and important to us.


Oh, and if you’re married. . .and he’s a good guy but he pisses you off sometimes. . .hold on to him and remind yourself that this too shall pass because you don’t ever want to find yourself out in the broken world of dating!


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  • If I ever lose the one I am currently dating, I am done!! I absolutely will not go back to trying to find someone to date again! I definitely come with a lot of baggage and broken pieces so saying I am a handful is an understatement 😂

    Karen Gilland on

  • Reading this while looking on dating site lol. It has been 2 years and I am about to give up! I agree with everything you have said. Having kids makes it so much harder, when do you introduce them, what happens if it was going good until then?

    Courtney Reim on

  • Love this! You are so right. Dating is so hard. I’m 39 with 2 kids under 8. Everyone sucks.

    Joyce on

  • Hi Annie, I just love chatting with you, even though it’s kind of one sided. I was married to my high school sweetheart for about a year, long story, involved being pregnant, then surprise it’s twins, and he couldn’t handle that responsibility. Oh thank you for letting me handle it all by myself. Anyway, I was single for 25 years after that. I dated but I just really didn’t meet anyone that was worth what little precious time I had. I had sole responsibility of twins, my own cleaning service, working as a personal trainer at our local YMCA, basically to get a free membership and also some downtime where people actually listened to me, kinda like an adopted family. It was here that I met my now husband. We talked for an entire year before we even went out. He had custody of his two young kids and also had been left to deal. We dated for almost seven years and I was ready for something more and he wasn’t so I ended it but stayed friends with him and his kids because I would see them at the Y when I was teaching. Fast forward about seven more years and we get back together, he was having heart surgery and I felt I needed to be there for all of them. Long story short, kind of not, after about five years, I said you’ve got six months to decide then I’m moving on. Three months later he proposed and we got married, moved to Florida from Pa, hurt my leg, had surgery, went back to college. The problem was he wanted to control and tell me what to do and I wasn’t one of his children and that’s how he treated me. There’s a lot of other stuff that happened in this eight years we’ve been married to ruin it and I’ve moved out and filed for divorce. He’s an alcoholic who couldn’t remember anything he said or did and eventually fell down the steps and broke his neck and now he’s finally stopped drinking and we’re supposed to be good. Here’s my point because you’re wondering by now when this story is going to be over, after I’m divorced I don’t want to date again. I was happy on my own and thriving. I got talked into thinking I needed more but I didn’t. I was independent and could hang my own damn pictures on whatever wall I wanted and I could make whatever I wanted for dinner without someone crinkling up their nose at me. Freedom is a wonderful thing, and some people don’t need to put up with some man/child antics just to get some dick. LOL. I hope this wasn’t tooo long. Love you, if I drive over to the other coast we must meet!

    Heidi-lyn Morse on

  • Annie, I have been married for 15 years but have known him for 20 and I never ,ever ,ever, want to get into the dating world again. It is exhausting and so much work! I am fatter, my boobs went from Playboy quality to National Geographic saggines, i am older and just would not want to go through all the crazy ups and downs and insecurities.
    You are awesome and wishing you all the happiness in the world. And the Hammer better know that vf you have a legion of Pipers standing by you and ready blacklist him if you give the signal :) 👊

    Colleen on

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