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How Will I Know - By Annie McFarland

We hopped into our time machine this weekend, happily leaving 2020 behind and reliving our inner 80’s. . . for Halloween, of course. If you know me at all, you know that I am a go big or go home kind of girl, so I had to get my big hair with Aqua Net and I had to pull out the 80’s soundtracks. 

How could my 80’s night be 80’s accurate without a little Whitney Houston? How will I know if he really loves me?
I say a prayer with every heartbeatI was not simply singing along with this iconic AF pop star, I was sucked into my overthinking bad habit and for me, the HE that was actively rolling through my brain was The Hammer. I am in that totally uncomfortable stage that every new relationship goes through where neither one of us really know where we stand with the other because it’s all about keeping those feelings close to the sleeve so we don’t seem crazy or clingy or needy. So, we play it a little cool but all you really want is to know that he likes you. Preferably more than you like him . . . ladies. . .you know exactly what I am talking about!

We always want him to like us more than we like them, even if it is just by a little bit.I mean, we spend time together as often as we can. I love being around him and he makes me laugh every freakin day so why do we put ourselves through this? Well. . .because that’s the dating game and we have all suffered through it. We will give a little, then hold back a little. Then we will give a little more and hold back less. . .it’s exhausting but finally we get to the part where you are realizing that yes, he will be there tomorrow. And then the next stage of the dating dance begins. . . when is it too soon to start throwing around the L word? And how do I know if he really loves me or if he is just in love with the regular bootie he is getting?

You may have heard me on a LIVE not too long ago mention that The Hammer and I were lying in bed, he totally had the googly eyes, which I had to shut that shit down hard and fast with, “you know it’s just bourbon and bootie that you are feeling right now”. And he looked even deeper into my eyes and said, “well, you should know that I bourbon you.”

I got butterflies and the nervous poop feeling all at the same time. On one hand, I am so freakin excited that he feels something for me but on the other hand, it’s a little scary! But, full disclosure? I totally bourbon him too. 

Let’s take a moment to overthink and dissect ‘how will I know if he really loves me’ instead of ‘if he thinks I’m sexy and he wants my body’. . .do you see what I did there? Yea. . I’m giving myself a pat on the back for that funny! He’s protective of me – I had some guys at my house installing new garage doors and he texted and I didn’t reply. He facetimed and I didn’t answer. When he didn’t hear from me, he got worried and he showed up at my house to make sure I was safe. I swear, I was not trying to play hard to get, I just got super busy at work trying to figure out why I was placed on a ‘temporary restriction’ from Facebook, which is kind of a HUGE deal for me, given that 90% of my job lies on THE Facebook! I have to tell you, him checking on my safety got me a little twitterpated! He tries to connect with me – I get good morning messages and good night messages every day. I don’t see him all the time because we are both so busy but he makes an effort to connect with me and make me feel special. He goes out of his way for me – That Halloween get together that got us listening to Whitney Houston and dragged us down this road? Yea. . .I was trying to get everything done to have people over and he just showed up and jumped in to help. He didn’t have to, but he wanted to go out of his way to make my day easier. He includes me in his plans – Sometimes I go, sometimes I don’t. . .but I always get invited and if you’re like me, you just love the invite. He doesn’t make me feel guilty if I don’t or can’t go. He’s very clear that he would love to spend the time with me but he understands if I can’t. Y’all. . . I think we are leveling up our relationship status and eeking closer and closer to that BIG moment! The piece de resistance! The gold medal of couplehood! Wait. . .it sounds like I’m talking about marriage. . no. . .no. . .not that level! I’m just referring to LOVE and I am super, ridiculously excited to find out if it’s real! I’ll make sure you are the first to know, well. . .second to know because I may tell him first! Ha!

- Annie 


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  • I think this is amazing! He definitely really loves you…I feel it in my bones! Haha! Maybe it’s time to step into the next time frame where I love you or I am in love with you is voiced by you both. Not on a night of many shots of tequila but maybe a night of a good dinner, fine glass of wine and a communication between two people who now have their own language! That’s love! Slip it in there in all seriousness..“I just want you to know that I am finding myself falling more and more in love with you every time we are together”….you will find the right time to tell him how you feel and it is totally ok if you go first!! Best wishes for you both! I hope this turns into your rest of forever person. You deserve someone who loves you like that!
    #zippymckeyboard 💙🍀

    Renee Yarbrough on

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