The Wasted Cougar - Annie McFarland

I am going to ask you to do some serious soul searching and dig deep. . .what is the drunkest you have ever been in a bar? 

I ask this poignant question for one reason and one reason only. . . because of the super drunk lady I met in a bar last weekend. As badly as I want to sit back and say. . .’oh my god, I don’t think I have ever been that drunk!’ We all know I probably have. 


Let me set the scene for you -  

DC and I were sitting at a bar and the guy to my left was from Minnesota. . . of course being a MN girl myself, I had to make him my new best friend.  So, there we are chatting about the homeland and I take note that he was a pretty attractive guy, younger. . . maybe mid 30’s and totally MN nice. . . just a sweet, wholesome boy. . . well as sweet and wholesome as a guy can get. Anyway. . . I am not the only one that notices this dime piece sitting alone. A totally wasted cougar sets her sights on him and we all know, there is no disagreeing with a drunk girl. Her first attempt to catch her cougar bait comes as she slides up in between us, giving me her back and him her full attention. He doesn’t seem interested but that is not going to stop our Wasted Cougar. Her next attempt comes as she drops her bag on the ground near my feet, shoves her butt up against his side and begins twerking all up and down his leg like a dog in heat. He still doesn’t budge except to catch my eye and give me a frightened look. Of course, I had to take this to my full advantage and encourage her to not give up so easily which spurred on her intent and still with her bag at my feet soaking up spilled beer, she puts one foot on his barstool and wobbly swings her other foot over his lap, like she was mounting a horse and begins to dry rub his junk with her lady bits. Our young, sweet cougar bait did not respond well to this and he quickly grabs Wasted Cougar by the shoulders and lifts her off of his crotch while pushing his stool away from him. 

Y’all. . . I have to tell you, this was the best entertainment of the night and it’s still not over yet. A bit discouraged, she looks at me and asks if I think he is too young for her. Look. . . I am not one to decide who is right for who but perhaps him in is 30’s and her in her late 50’s/early 60’s is a bit of a divide. But I can’t be the one to crush her spirit even though Cougar Bait is silently begging me to help him out. I simply reply that you can’t ever understand attraction. . it’s either there or it’s not. I’m not sure if she heard me or perhaps she just didn’t care because suddenly, she whips out her boobs, full frontal and asks me if I think her boobs are big enough and do I think he likes big boobs? Before I can answer, a bit in shock myself, she flips around, still with her titties hanging out and asks him his thoughts on her boobs, while juggling and making them dance. 

I have to tell you. . .the perseverance of this girl is like none other. I feel that far inferior people would have long given up but she had her sights set and she was not going to allow anything to get in the way.  Here we are arriving at her final attempt to capture her prey. . . when Cougar Bait was still stunned and caught off guard by her flashing headlights, she jumps forward, grabs him by the back of the neck and plants a wet, sloppy, open mouthed kiss on him. That last stealth move was truly something to see. . . ineffective because she soon left. . . alone.


I felt a little sad for her. I am certain she woke up the next morning with Sober Cougar lecturing Wasted Cougar, but we have all been there. In a bar, way too drunk for our own good and our sober selves shocked and disappointed. I can remember back in the day, flashing a DJ to get him to play a song. . . only to have him not. . . or maybe he did and I was too drunk to remember it. Who knows. 

Now that you have had a moment to think about it, I really want to know. . what is the drunkest you have been in a bar?
-   Annie


  • Christy

    First off, I’m not a drinker, never have been. But this one time…my brother in law, husband, myself and some friends went to the neighborhood bar for karaoke night. They talked me into doing shots, which I had never done. Strangers were buying my shots and after double digits, I got sick and the bartender was in the ladies bathroom with me holding my hair as I vomited!

  • Ginger Rocket

    I have been drunk cougar in the bar, but didn’t get turned down. lol. Sober cougar was definitely disappointed in my actions at the bar, but not in the bedroom. ;-)

  • Shari

    Never drunk enough to throw myself at a guy. What a scene that must have been. Poor guy is probably scarred for life.

  • Doree

    They were having a wet tshirt contest and one of my adopted kids dared me to do it. I told them I didn’t have a white tshirt so she takes hers off ( she had another one on)and says now you do. So I changed my shirt and entered. By the end it was me, my sons girlfriend and another girl. Well old momma here won the contest. I got drinks free for the rest of night.

  • Heidi-lyn Morse

    Just usually would stay home if drinking. I guess I’m boring, I don’t really have drunk bar stories.

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