Want Your Knife Back? - By Annie McFarland

Want your knife back?

By show of hands. . . who has been stabbed in the back by a “friend”?

You can go ahead and actually raise your hand, even if you are home alone! Because it totally SUCKS, doesn’t it? 
Been there, done that and definitely don’t want to do it again. 

I don’t know about you, but my girlfriends can hurt me so differently than any guy. Once you are my friend, I want you as my friend for life and any guy I’m dating, they are pretty disposable until I actually fall for them. I guess I just believe that my friends would never hurt me so I let them in easier, I trust them more, the relationship builds differently. When I start dating someone, I’m always waiting for the crash. . . I mean. . .I have had friendships that have lasted for 20+ years, I have never had a romantic relationship even come close! 
I mean, yes. . .we are all human and if some dude dumps me, it certainly burns the ego for a hot minute but I’m definitely not going to spend the next year missing that relationship. . . wondering what went wrong? But I can tell you that it has been over a year since I was stabbed in the back by two very dear friends and I’m still feeling the sting. 

Here’s the story, for your reading enjoyment and as my personal counseling session! 

I had FINALLY gotten out of a REALLY shitty relationship with the most insecure, jealous and controlling guy I have ever known. Quick side note, want to know how I got out? This was one of my most brilliant moments. . .ever! He was offered his dream job in another state and I encouraged him to take it, convincing him, with my unbelievable acting skills, that we were rock solid and could survive the distance. Seriously, I don’t know why he believed such bullshit because we had a crap relationship but this just goes to show how delusional he was! Ha! 
Things got awful before he ended up leaving town, because it dawned on him that it was impossible to control what I was doing from several states away! So, we broke up. 

My friends thought he was a fucking delight because he was such a ‘great guy’ in public and I had tried to be loyal to him and not share our crappy relationship with anyone. Since he was such a ‘great guy’, my friends decided to throw him a going away party, that I was obviously not invited to.
Now, y’all. . .I don’t know exactly what went down at this party but I do know it was a whole pile of shit about me and what an awful person I am, complete with private details that only these girls knew about my dating history. These were the girls that I shared the funny stories with, the failed dates, the embarrassing moments. . .details that only they would know. 
How do I know about the pile of shit stories, you may ask?

Well. . .that ‘great guy’ left town but waited until he knew that we were going to be together, in a car, on our way to brunch to send me a HUGE text with all those dating details that could have only come from these girls. You see, when I realized what a jealous guy he was, I stopped sharing any stories about my past. . . it was wayyyyy too dicey because he would throw it in my face at some later point. 
So. . . picture this, there I am, in the car with my dear friends that I have been super close with for years and reading about what a gold-digging whore I am. Btw, the ‘great guy’ didn’t even have a job when I met him so. . .um. . .yea. . .apparently, I suck as a gold digger. In the text, he offered details of past dates, again. . .details that only these girls would know, as proof to what a whore I am. I’m not sure why, but I feel compelled to share with you that I did not sleep with any of the dates he texted and one guy, I didn’t even kiss. I have failed, in my life, at being a gold digger. . . apparently, I suck at being a whore too! I feel that there is an easy joke just waiting, right here but I can’t seem to pull it out. . . gah. . .and there’s another one! Ha!

Back to the car. . . it suddenly became one of those slow-motion movie moments, where I could hear my girlfriends talking, while I’m reading this novel about myself from the viewpoint of my friends and this guy. I slowly look up and say, “um. . you guys. . .I just got a text from ‘great guy’ and I’m confused.” I, then proceeded to read the whole thing to them, periodically looking up to see their reactions and I could see it all over their faces. GUILT!

The girls are not monsters, they apologized and said they didn’t know why they talked shit about me at his going away party. But. . .the damage was done. . . I got to see what they truly think of me. They literally offered me up on a platter, fueling his insane belief that I am a liar, a cheater and a whore. I can assure you, I am none of those things but is there really any point in trying to convince someone who believes otherwise? And sadly, they got to finally see his true colors, at the expense of me and our friendship!
I found out later that he was such an asshole, that he actually tried to destroy SEVERAL of my friendships. But those friends were real friends and didn’t give him the grenade to throw into our relationship. . . like these girls did. 
Now, I keep my circle tight. . .just a handful of amazingly close ‘in person’ friends and 100k amazing online friends. I honestly think you know more of who I really am than any of the people I mentioned in this blog.
I used the knife that they plunged in my back to cut ties with them and move on. Life is way to fucking short to have it filled with fake friends! Maybe, I’m supposed to offer up some advice for how to move forward if you have fake friends in your life or maybe I’m supposed to give you tips on spotting a fake friend but honestly. . .it’s super simple. . .if someone makes you feel like shit, dump them. If someone stabs you in the back, lose them. And that’s all the advice I have for you on that!

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